While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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