Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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