You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
