stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
