Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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