if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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