I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
