fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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