And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
