you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
