I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
And then he peed in my hair
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