I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
