im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
