I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
ugly people sure do ruin things
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
