better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
