It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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