I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
