I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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