i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
