Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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