Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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