I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
