You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
