you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
