420 ftw
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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