My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
