I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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