just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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