I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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