I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
