so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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