I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
