you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
someone owes me an orgasm
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
