Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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