Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
