well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
