shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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