there was a trapeze. enough said
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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