I just threw up on my dentist
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
