You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
