i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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