Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
