My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
