Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
