I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
