He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
