I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
