What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
