WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
