Tell her she can't have a vagina
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
NoShamevember. You game?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
