you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
