Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
