around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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