Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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