It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
