what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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