I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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