he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
