oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
