i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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