you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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