do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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