If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
