Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
