you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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