omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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