if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
