i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize