Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
