The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
