I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
