it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize