I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My bed smells like the plague
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