idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
