so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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