Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
