Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
