There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
