why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
