i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
