Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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