well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
