I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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