just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
