Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Are we still banned from the library?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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