I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
