He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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