Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
