take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
