I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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