Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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