The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
