dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
