I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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