I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
