i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Are my feet made of real feet?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
