I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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