let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We left an ass print on the piano.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
