3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The air was thick with penises
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize