the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
