hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
