just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Couch. On fire.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
