the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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