Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
