well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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