I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Houston, we have a blender
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize