she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
