I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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